Pax Soccerus
Posted by: Alan Black on: July 10, 2009
(left: the founder of a new religion – the soccer SuperGod)
Is Ronaldo SuperGod? Perhaps Jesus spoke to a few hundred during the Sermon on the Mount. Maybe he carved up a dozen fish and breads for the hungry multitude but it’s nothing compared to the flock who packed into the stadium last week to worship the first soccer SuperGod, Cristiano Ronaldo. There’s no need to feed crumbs to the masses, when you can feed them soccer strips, with the deity’s name on it. It’s a miracle each time a poor kid in Africa, or Gaza, or Tibet, pulls on a soccer uniform stamped with Ronaldo’s brand. They become part of the bigger whole, connected to the source of their escape, and slavery. Soccer is the new religion, the new imperium. Welcome to Pax Soccerus. The day of the SuperGod is dawning. Ronaldo is born. And more are coming.
Alan Black is the author of Kick the Balls.
Jesus 3 USA 2
Posted by: Alan Black on: June 28, 2009
(left- Jesus robs the ball and takes off)
Nifty work by the television director of today’s big soccer game between Brazil and the United States. The Brazilians came ready with I Love Jesus t-shirts, and some quickly pulled them on, after their nail-biting victory over strong American boots. The camera cutaways from players bearing The Message were fast footed, and decisive. No doubt Christians will be cross.
Increasingly, players look to the heavens during the game, usually after scoring a goal. It seems Jesus is getting his kit on, keen to come down, and be part of the action. What will be the response if Brazil win the World Cup next year, and their team captain raises the trophy, not with his nation’s colors underneath the gold, but old Jesus on his cross on a t-shirt?
Maybe this is the way things are heading. Nations melting away, religions rising up from the flood. How about a New World Order soccer tournament? The Faith World Cup. Eleven Christians against Eleven Moslems. Eleven Jews against Eleven Buddhists. Eleven Zoroastrians against Eleven Druids. Eleven atheists against them all.
Watch for soccer’s governing body, FIFA, making a decision soon, on whether players can wear religious messages on shirts, after the final whistle. FIFA, with its headquarters close to its Swiss bank account in Zurich, are more concerned with global branding than injury prone Jesus getting a medal. Every media outlet around the globe publishes the World Cup winner on the front page. Is your religious symbol the one staring out at the world, your version as world champions? Try selling that in losing churches.
As for the football, in this tournament, the USA showed that they are capable of beating the best on the day. But not this day. But it’s still a boost in confidence for the national team. Bring on the World Cup Finals, a year away. I’d rather see the stars and stripes on the chest than the ache of a man hanging by nails.
USA -True Grit Sinks Spanish Armada
Posted by: Alan Black on: June 25, 2009
(left) – Armada sunk by the Yanks
True Grit, wasn’t that a Duke Wayne movie? Well, we know he spent World War 2 on a yacht drinking martinis, and someone had to, but his tough guy persona on the big screen was replicated by eleven Americans today in South Africa, in the soccer Confederations Cup. Spain, the royalty of the world soccer empire, had their crown knocked off by a gutsy bunch of Yanks, unwilling to bend the knee to soccer Kings. Unbeaten in 35 games, with a win record of 14 straight, the Spanish Armada was finally sunk by the red, white and blue.
What we saw today was a foreshadowing. At some point in the future, the USA will be the best soccer team in the world, and win the World Cup. That will be the day when an extra star could be added to the flag, the star of the “international” state. (Shut up! John Wayne will shoot you for that, you Scottish ninny!)
It’s patriotic to support the national US team. To show the world that the USA can beat the world with its version of the beautiful game. On to the Final on Sunday. Bring the Cup home boys. Tune in to ESPN.
Iran – The Soccer Revolution
Posted by: Alan Black on: June 23, 2009
Momentous times for Iran, last week they were eliminated from participating in the soccer World Cup Finals in South Africa in 2010. During their fateful last game, several of the nation’s players wore rebel green armbands in solidarity with their compatriots fighting in the streets. Soccer in Iran is more popular than politics and revolution. Iranians believe in the sentiment expressed by the legendary Scottish soccer coach, Bill Shankly, “Life and death? Football is much more important than that.”
But under Ahmadinejad’s mob, Iranian soccer has deteriorated. The team’s play in recent times has shifted from a long thread of poetic nuance to subdued aggression, much like the grin on Ahmadinejad’s mug. Iran lost its stylish play, and some of the players resorted to out of character roughness on the field. Ahmadinejad acts like a soccer hooligan, he’s got that casual look but doesn’t mind sticking the boot in to his enemies. And the Iranian people know that under his governance, the nation has failed to qualify for the biggest show on earth. Even the Shah avoided that humiliation. It’s a national disaster.
Blame them! Ahmadinejad’s calling card popped through the doors of Ali Karimi, 31, Mehdi Mahdavikia, 32, Hosein Ka’abi, 24 and Vahid Hashemian, 32, four of Iran’s best players. According to reports, the four are now banned for life from playing for the their country, having donned the green armbands in last week’s game. And the former head of Iranian soccer has been arrested, an ally of the reformist movement. The clampdown on the Iranian game will backfire on the mob currently in charge. In the future, expect to see packed soccer stadiums in Iran, as the vehicle for protest. The soccer revolution can pack a whopping strike. Ahmadinejad would be well advised to have his revolutionary shin guards on.
In miracle news, the USA has qualified for the semi-final of the Confederations Cup, currently being played in South Africa. Tomorrow’s game against Spain, the best team in the world, is a great opportunity for the boys to show the world some true grit. ESPN has the coverage, get behind the team.
Kick the Balls is out now in paperback in the bookshops www.alanblack.info
USA Illustrates The Meaning of True Grit
Posted by: Alan Black on: June 22, 2009
(left – Clint Dempsey – the American Spirit)
The USA showed the world how to do it on Sunday in the Confederations Cup in South Africa, thrashing an Egyptian outfit that played like mummies. Needing three goals to keep hopes alive, the boys in red, white and blue did exactly that, while Brazil finished off a weak Italian effort, allowing the States to go through to a semi-final match up against current World Cup favorites, Spain.
American grit is not to be underestimated. Humiliated in their first two outings against Italy and Brazil, the fighting spirit kicked in, fuled by a blend of aggression and composure. American foreign policy on the soccer field. A good day for all things American. And the rockets red glare.
Kick the Balls is now out in paperback
www.alanblack.info
World Saved From North Korean Nuclear War
Posted by: Alan Black on: June 17, 2009
North Korea have qualified for next year’s soccer World Cup Finals in South Africa ending the possibility of a nuclear confrontation on the Korean peninsula. No country will threaten its chance of glory at the world’s biggest event. The corks are popping in Pyongyang and cheering could be heard across the DMZ in Korea, the world’s most dangerous stand-off. North Korea’s qualification comes at the expense of Iran, who will not be at next year’s Finals. Centrifuges could be heard spinning in Tehran after news of North Korea’s qualification came through. Expect a draw down of troops in the Asian theater but longer stays in Iraq. Israel has an outside chance of qualification. Let’s pray that they make it.
North Korea’s qualification sets up the enticing possibility of a match up with the United States. Here is an opportunity for President Obama to meet Kim Jong-Il, and allow the outcome of the game to settle the conflict once and for all. If America loses, they leave Korea. If the Koreans go down, hand over the nuclear bombs now! Is there a better way?
The last time North Korea qualified for the World Cup Finals was in 1966 in England, when they impressed the world with their all-out attack style of play, reaching the quarter-finals. In that historic game against European power-house Portugal, the Koreans gave up a 3-0 lead at half-time, to finally lose 5-3. The long bus journey back to North Korea was filled with the singing of patriotic songs, and endless cans of warm English beer.
Check out the highlights of North Korea’s 1966 classic game against Portugal. Vintage stuff.
Kick the Balls is out in paperback now in the bookshops. www.alanblack.info
American Immigrant
Posted by: Alan Black on: June 15, 2009
Immigrant. The old country is Scotland. And the old American story, yeah, yeah, yeah, we all came from somewhere else. But when do you actually become an American, for an immigrant when does the tipping point occur? Well, glad to say it happened to me last week in Chicago.
The United States was playing in a crucial soccer World Cup qualifying game against Honduras. Soldier Field was packed, the atmosphere electric, proof that soccer’s stealth popularity was on the rise. Granted, sixty per cent were Hondurans, many of whom had flown in from around the country. The motel at the airport was jammed with Honduras supporters.
A Scottish pal had the extra ticket, and he was rooting for the Hondurans. There was no way he was supporting the Yankee imperialists. He tried humming his oppressed allies national anthem. Then I heard, Oh say! Does that star spangled banner yet wave?
It surprised me that so many patriotic American sports fans ignored a chance to root for America, preferring to sing to each other whoopy versions of the anthem between hot dog bites, at the onset of sedentary baseball games. Soccer offered the chance to show the world the American spirit. It was unpatriotic not to get behind the national team. In the distance, I could see Uncle Sam’s Army of fans behind the goal. They were ecstatic with American fervor.
The tipping point came mid-way through the second half. The USA scored their second goal, breaking the tie, and I found myself bursting the air with bombs of delight. Besides me was an Honduran kid, no more than ten years old, his face painted in the colors. He looked at me with disappointment in his eyes.
Already, I had a passport. But documents mean nothing. You can buy them. What makes you American? For me, it was the old glory of a goal.
Ronaldo as God
Posted by: Alan Black on: June 11, 2009
What Ronaldo’s bank account receives in a week takes the average worker five to six years to earn. Then again, the average worker can’t score from forty yards. The thieving bankers take millions for themselves and play golf, that most twisted of Freudian perversions (little balls and little holes). At least Ronaldo has to run for his money.
But of what of him, as a footballing God. Notice how his teammates celebrate his thunder strikes with awe in their eyes. His tempestuous anger, just like Zeus, always petty in handing out lessons to the mere mortals. And feared. As Gods are. Hatred from his victims, cursed, savaged, and doubted, all the plaintive cries of the lesser flesh. His thunderbolt strikes charge the air, bristling with turbulence. His power stronger than a horse. His looks, the chubby cheeks on the warrior hero body. Dodger of death. Kisser of female lips. Ronaldo is mythology. He joins Best, Law and Charlton in the Manchester pantheon.
Kick the Balls (Plume/Penguin) is out now in paperback. In bookstores now and at amazon.com
European Champions League Final
Posted by: Alan Black on: May 28, 2009
(left) Fletcher – Heavy Industry
The Final was better than a classic. It was a lesson. At the center of it was the midfield. Barca won the game there, as football matches often are. Darren Fletcher, Manchester United’s central component was missing.
Two years ago, Darren Fletcher played in the red, to high interest rates of abuse from Man U fans. The slow donkey jibe was popular. But Fletcher made an ass out of them. He increased his productivity and came to neuter the spark plugs of opposing sides. Had Fletcher played in the Final, Iniesta and Xavi would not have wiped out Manchester United.
Heavy industrialists and light artists are at the core of soccer’s conflict. Yesterday, the industrialist Fletcher could not smoke his stack and the Catalan artists had the freedom to paint their own beautiful victory.
Another Soccer Seed Is Sown
Posted by: Alan Black on: May 10, 2009
At the death of the calamitous Chelsea v Barcelona match last week, a perceptive cameraman from the ESPN network captured a young boy, about twelve years old, sobbing uncontrollably as Chelsea watched their imminent victory disappear into a deep fjord of last minute loss. It was a footballing death moment for the child. Soccer had planted another seed that would forever grow. Victory blows away in the wind but loss puts down roots.
