Head out to the green suburbs this weekend for kids soccer, and you’ll see some nice fruit and tastes of the Alps. Smooth, purifying Evian water sits beside the organic oranges sliced to perfection. Sterile hands serve kids the pleasures of a healthy half-time snack. Now take a trip through time and space (thanks Mighty Boosh) and look at this.

1978: Half Time Snack Record of Opponents Playing Against My High School Soccer Team, Under 15 level

St. Marks High – (on) Glue

St. Columba High – (on) Marlboros

Trinity High – (on) Crucifixes

Queens Park High – (on) Lager

Naturally, these teams beat us.