Ronaldo as God
June 11, 2009

What Ronaldo’s bank account receives in a week takes the average worker five to six years to earn. Then again, the average worker can’t score from forty yards. The thieving bankers take millions for themselves and play golf, that most twisted of Freudian perversions (little balls and little holes). At least Ronaldo has to run for his money.
But of what of him, as a footballing God. Notice how his teammates celebrate his thunder strikes with awe in their eyes. His tempestuous anger, just like Zeus, always petty in handing out lessons to the mere mortals. And feared. As Gods are. Hatred from his victims, cursed, savaged, and doubted, all the plaintive cries of the lesser flesh. His thunderbolt strikes charge the air, bristling with turbulence. His power stronger than a horse. His looks, the chubby cheeks on the warrior hero body. Dodger of death. Kisser of female lips. Ronaldo is mythology. He joins Best, Law and Charlton in the Manchester pantheon.
Kick the Balls (Plume/Penguin) is out now in paperback. In bookstores now and at amazon.com
June 22, 2009 at 1:59 pm
moi jeueur pur
June 23, 2009 at 7:23 pm
ich liebe dich cristiano ronaldo über alles ♥♥♥♥ ilove
June 24, 2009 at 10:33 am
i love u
June 24, 2009 at 11:59 am
الله
June 25, 2009 at 12:42 pm
wow ! I love him …
June 25, 2009 at 8:41 pm
sexiiiiiiii (:
June 27, 2009 at 7:21 pm
His so gorgeous
August 25, 2009 at 9:57 pm
not at all
June 29, 2009 at 5:38 am
man mekhaham fotbalest besham lotfan
June 29, 2009 at 5:37 pm
OMG I LUV HIM SO MUCH I HAVE LOADS OF POSTERS OF HIM ALL OVA ME WALL AND I AV AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY AND I HAVE HIS DVD I JUST LUV HIM 2BIITS HE IS SO SEXII AND GAWGES HE IS LUSH AND HE SHUD GO BAC TO MAN UTD CUZ THATS HIS HOME AND HE BELONGS THERE SO PLZ GO BAC RONALDO WE ALL MISS YOO PLZ ILU X X X X X X X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
July 3, 2009 at 8:41 am
why did you left such a wonderful club like man u
September 22, 2009 at 7:02 am
dude he got 18 laks 4 it y do u think….buh i agreee wid u
July 3, 2009 at 8:55 am
i love you cristano ronaldo un te dua me shpir loqka jeme zemra jeme hajde ne kosova me behu i dashuri im my bojfred tung bay
August 11, 2009 at 12:09 am
qkemi erijonna
July 5, 2009 at 3:47 pm
eiii o krisiano ronaldo ma i mir je
August 11, 2009 at 12:12 am
o genta nga jeni juve..ciao tanti baci
July 5, 2009 at 6:26 pm
hello cristiano ronaldo what of life te mando saludo desde bolivia que la pases bien en tu nuevo equipo y que te busques otra novia con la que puedas estar felis me despido con un beso bayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
July 6, 2009 at 7:26 pm
beautiful you are the best for everrr
July 6, 2009 at 7:27 pm
you are the best for ever in my hart I love you
July 6, 2009 at 7:29 pm
un jam adhuruse e flakt you are the best fotballer I love you te aime ich libe dich sevyorum
July 6, 2009 at 7:31 pm
un jam adhuruse jote e flakt ich libe dich I love you te amooo
(K) (L) te dua cristiano ronaldo
August 11, 2009 at 12:10 am
ju gocat shqipetare e keni fiksim ronaldon
July 7, 2009 at 8:45 am
kawe gilo bedho’od ko demo
July 9, 2009 at 8:06 am
Love u…
Ummaaach…
July 10, 2009 at 4:32 pm
hi cristiano ronaldo hw ru and bardi love me
July 10, 2009 at 10:06 pm
HOLA MI AMOR Q ES ESO! Q VI HAORITA Y YO Q ONDA CUANDO SE ARA REALIDAD
July 26, 2009 at 7:45 am
hi..i’m from indonesia.
i very like you ron..
you are very handsome..
but i not like be playboy..
i love you ron..uuumuaach
August 3, 2009 at 3:13 pm
loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
August 3, 2009 at 3:14 pm
u r so buff luv u lol
October 13, 2009 at 5:19 pm
HI
HOWE ARE YOU
August 11, 2009 at 9:46 am
i like him very much!!je’t aime
August 16, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Hey who ever it was that wrote this article is pretty ignorant. Dont you know that when you refer to the many gods as in ancient times it’s with an lower case (g) and when you refer to the God stated in The Pledge of Alligiance, it’s with an upper case (G). Please learn your grammar…
August 17, 2009 at 3:30 pm
i love yuolove you cristano ronaldo un te dua me shpir loqka jeme zemra jeme hajde ne kosova me behu i dashuri im my bojfred tung bay
August 17, 2009 at 3:33 pm
HOLA MI AMOR Q ES ESO! Q VI HAORITA Y YO Q ONDA CUANDO SE ARA REALIDADHOLA MI AMOR Q ES ESO! Q VI HAORITA Y YO Q ONDA CUANDO SE ARHOLA MI AMOR Q ES ESO! Q VI HAORITA Y YO Q ONDA C
August 17, 2009 at 3:35 pm
refer to the many gods as in ancient times it’s with an lower case (g) and when you refer to the God stated in The Pledge of Alligiance, it’s with an upper case (G). Please learn your grammar…
Reply
August 24, 2009 at 10:20 am
this is very sosweet Cristian Ronaldo
August 29, 2009 at 11:17 am
OMG dis guy is rilly awesum my lUV………………………i cnt live widout him yaar,…,hi is sexii…
I LUV U YAAR more dan ny 1……….
August 29, 2009 at 12:40 pm
ronaldo e samo moiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 31, 2009 at 12:07 pm
fuck u
September 1, 2009 at 7:31 am
yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
September 4, 2009 at 5:54 am
CR 9 ssssssssuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk
September 4, 2009 at 5:54 am
CR 9 FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK
September 5, 2009 at 5:42 am
uor hav cristiano ronaldo sexy by LOVE BOU
September 11, 2009 at 5:03 am
CR9,I LOVE YOU FULL
September 23, 2009 at 11:51 am
luv u ronny
my sweetheart………..
uuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaa
September 24, 2009 at 10:32 am
sex mashina
October 8, 2009 at 10:53 pm
cristiano cornudo de mierda puto yo juego mejorq vos pecho frio soret
October 13, 2009 at 7:21 pm
whats the matter in Zarghan in iran
October 14, 2009 at 4:36 pm
OMG i love ronaldo he is the best man on this earth and the best footballer he is soooo talented and them people that dont like him want their head looking at coz they aint right in the head lol i am a really big fan of him i love him sooo much he is sexyyyy
October 16, 2009 at 12:29 pm
من کریستیانو رو دوست دارم خیلی زیاد عاشقشم عاشق
i am an iranian boy i wrote above i love cristiano ronaldo very much
October 16, 2009 at 12:32 pm
من کریستیانو رو خیلی دوست دارم عاشقشم عاشق
I am an iranian boy i like cristiano ronaldo very much
i love him so much
October 16, 2009 at 8:41 pm
pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
October 19, 2009 at 6:46 pm
God my a**, more like a pansy.
October 19, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Did anyone notice that most of the comments here lack intelligence, including the article??
“OMG! He is hot, and even though I probably know nothing about football, I think he is the best player in the world.”
You ditsy girls and guys, please get a life and don’t just a person based on how “Hott and sexii” they are.
October 19, 2009 at 6:54 pm
“judge” misspelled.