Ronaldo as God

June 11, 2009

cristiano-ronaldo-shirtless

What Ronaldo’s bank account receives in a week  takes the average worker five to six years to earn. Then again, the average worker can’t score from forty yards. The thieving bankers take millions for themselves and play golf, that most twisted of Freudian perversions (little balls and little holes). At least Ronaldo has to run for his money.

But of what of him, as a footballing God. Notice how his teammates  celebrate his thunder strikes with awe in their eyes. His tempestuous anger, just like Zeus, always petty in handing out lessons to the mere mortals.  And feared. As Gods are.  Hatred from his victims, cursed, savaged, and doubted, all the plaintive cries of the lesser flesh. His thunderbolt strikes charge the air, bristling with turbulence. His power stronger than a horse. His looks, the chubby cheeks on the warrior hero body.  Dodger of death. Kisser of female lips.  Ronaldo is mythology. He joins Best, Law and Charlton  in the Manchester pantheon.

Kick the Balls (Plume/Penguin) is out now in paperback.  In bookstores now and at amazon.com

55 Responses to “Ronaldo as God”

  1. mohssin Says:

    moi jeueur pur

  2. ceren Says:

    ich liebe dich cristiano ronaldo über alles ♥♥♥♥ ilove

  3. mj Says:

    i love u

  4. Anonymous Says:

    الله

  5. marika&ronny Says:

    wow ! I love him …

  6. Anonymous Says:

    sexiiiiiiii (:

  7. Anonymous Says:

    His so gorgeous ;-)

  8. moslem Says:

    man mekhaham fotbalest besham lotfan

  9. jade dean Says:

    OMG I LUV HIM SO MUCH I HAVE LOADS OF POSTERS OF HIM ALL OVA ME WALL AND I AV AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY AND I HAVE HIS DVD I JUST LUV HIM 2BIITS HE IS SO SEXII AND GAWGES HE IS LUSH AND HE SHUD GO BAC TO MAN UTD CUZ THATS HIS HOME AND HE BELONGS THERE SO PLZ GO BAC RONALDO WE ALL MISS YOO PLZ ILU X X X X X X X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  10. jagdeep Says:

    why did you left such a wonderful club like man u

  11. erjonna Says:

    i love you cristano ronaldo un te dua me shpir loqka jeme zemra jeme hajde ne kosova me behu i dashuri im my bojfred tung bay

  12. genta Says:

    eiii o krisiano ronaldo ma i mir je

  13. janin romero Says:

    hello cristiano ronaldo what of life te mando saludo desde bolivia que la pases bien en tu nuevo equipo y que te busques otra novia con la que puedas estar felis me despido con un beso bayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  14. Anonymous Says:

    beautiful you are the best for everrr

  15. lena Says:

    you are the best for ever in my hart I love you

  16. laura Says:

    un jam adhuruse e flakt you are the best fotballer I love you te aime ich libe dich sevyorum

  17. laura Says:

    un jam adhuruse jote e flakt ich libe dich I love you te amooo
    (K) (L) te dua cristiano ronaldo

  18. kawe Says:

    kawe gilo bedho’od ko demo

  19. Anonymous Says:

    Love u…
    Ummaaach…

  20. salman Says:

    hi cristiano ronaldo hw ru and bardi love me

  21. ANONIMO Says:

    HOLA MI AMOR Q ES ESO! Q VI HAORITA Y YO Q ONDA CUANDO SE ARA REALIDAD

  22. jully Says:

    hi..i’m from indonesia.
    i very like you ron..
    you are very handsome..
    but i not like be playboy..
    i love you ron..uuumuaach

  23. Anonymous Says:

    loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

  24. Anonymous Says:

    u r so buff luv u lol

  25. mira Says:

    i like him very much!!je’t aime

  26. lala Says:

    Hey who ever it was that wrote this article is pretty ignorant. Dont you know that when you refer to the many gods as in ancient times it’s with an lower case (g) and when you refer to the God stated in The Pledge of Alligiance, it’s with an upper case (G). Please learn your grammar…

  27. egzona Says:

    i love yuolove you cristano ronaldo un te dua me shpir loqka jeme zemra jeme hajde ne kosova me behu i dashuri im my bojfred tung bay

  28. egzona Says:

    HOLA MI AMOR Q ES ESO! Q VI HAORITA Y YO Q ONDA CUANDO SE ARA REALIDADHOLA MI AMOR Q ES ESO! Q VI HAORITA Y YO Q ONDA CUANDO SE ARHOLA MI AMOR Q ES ESO! Q VI HAORITA Y YO Q ONDA C

  29. egzona Says:

    refer to the many gods as in ancient times it’s with an lower case (g) and when you refer to the God stated in The Pledge of Alligiance, it’s with an upper case (G). Please learn your grammar…

    Reply

  30. Yusuf Says:

    this is very sosweet Cristian Ronaldo

  31. sanju........ Says:

    OMG dis guy is rilly awesum my lUV………………………i cnt live widout him yaar,…,hi is sexii…

    I LUV U YAAR more dan ny 1……….

  32. ukjyuk Says:

    ronaldo e samo moiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. Anonymous Says:

    yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  34. titit Says:

    CR 9 ssssssssuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk

  35. titit Says:

    CR 9 FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK

  36. mhamad Says:

    uor hav cristiano ronaldo sexy by LOVE BOU

  37. tamanna Says:

    luv u ronny
    my sweetheart………..
    uuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmaaaaa

  38. Anonymous Says:

    sex mashina

  39. juninho Says:

    cristiano cornudo de mierda puto yo juego mejorq vos pecho frio soret

  40. aboozar Says:

    whats the matter in Zarghan in iran

  41. sophia Says:

    OMG i love ronaldo he is the best man on this earth and the best footballer he is soooo talented and them people that dont like him want their head looking at coz they aint right in the head lol i am a really big fan of him i love him sooo much he is sexyyyy

  42. Anonymous Says:

    من کریستیانو رو دوست دارم خیلی زیاد عاشقشم عاشق

    i am an iranian boy i wrote above i love cristiano ronaldo very much

  43. mehdi Says:

    من کریستیانو رو خیلی دوست دارم عاشقشم عاشق

    I am an iranian boy i like cristiano ronaldo very much
    i love him so much

  44. Anonymous Says:

    pppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

  45. marija Says:

    God my a**, more like a pansy.

    • marija Says:

      Did anyone notice that most of the comments here lack intelligence, including the article??

      “OMG! He is hot, and even though I probably know nothing about football, I think he is the best player in the world.”

      You ditsy girls and guys, please get a life and don’t just a person based on how “Hott and sexii” they are.


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