Cristiano Ronaldo, the much maligned Manchester United maestro, survived a tunnel crash today. He was not to be afforded the status of another Lady Di. There would be no immediate increase in flower sales among Manchester florists . But eyewitnesses are reporting a small Ford Cortina with a Scottish license plate was seen swerving in front of Ronaldo’s Ferrari immediatley before the crash. The driver was described as an old man in a black wool coat. Police intercepted a mobile phone transmission from the Cortina shortly after the crash. They have just released the voice of a man with a slight Glaswegian lisp, saying, “Is that Ferrari for Real?”  Manchester United manager, Sir Alex Ferguson, relaxing on a freezing beach in Aberdeen, had no comment on Ronaldo’s unlucky escape.