Letter to Senator Obama

21 Jul
Obama's pal Kerry on the ball

Obama's pal Kerry on the ball

Senator Obama,

The Afghans don’t want Americans marching around their mountains, throwing pigskin shaped missiles at their huts. It’s all wrong, and it has to do with the shape of your American balls. Have the B52 drop millions of soccer balls on the Northwest Frontier and soon the enemy will be organizing teams, a league, be in FIFA and playing in the next World Cup.  The Taleban will be shaking hands and dancing in the Fan Mile in Johannesburg. The Beatles nearly had it right. It’s not “all you need is love,” it’s “all you need is soccer.”

Granted, the Pakistanis are a harder nut to crack on their side of the border, but the bombers could drop millions of cricket balls, and while a few cracked heads would annoy some, locals would have the stumps up and running within hours of the bombardment.

This is the problem with US foreign policy. You can’t dump gridiron and stolen bases on the world. No one wants that. So Senator Obama, the message is clear. If you want the USA to save billions of dollars over the next decade, and spare the lives of American troops, back soccer ball bombing as your game! Soccer heals.

Yours

Kick the Balls

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