Drink 5 Soccer Players 0

30 Dec

gerrard41

ABOVE: Gerrard picks up a superlager in his local pub

Drink is always the winner when it plays against famous soccer players. Steven Gerrard, the Liverpol captain and role model, is facing a long stretch behind bars for his alleged involvement in giving a DJ a kicking in a Liverpool nightclub – the reason, Gerrard did not like the choice of music. The real reason, champagne. Joey Barton, a Newcastle United player, jailed for assault inside a McDonalds. The reason, the fries were cold. The real reason, eight lagers and six shots on the goal of self-destruction. Scotland 1978, the World Cup Finals in Argentina, Scotland heavily tipped as possible winners by media  people used to being drunk. A sober team on arrival, hammered by midnight, the hotel’s bar drunk dry, then the hangover and crash out of the tournament in disgrace. The official reason, complacency, the real reason, a culture of blotto. George Best, best at football according to Pele, liver rotted like an old net. Suggest a referee go along with players when they revel. The men in black can cut them off before their careers endure the humiliation of jail, and endless aspirins.

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