30 Jan


2240 A.D.

SOCCER NEWS FROM WNN WIRE SERVICE: The United States are World Champions for the twenty fifth time but there was little joy for United States’ star player Cristos Beckham. He was banned from playing in the Finals after failing an intelligence test. Some experts are questioning the fifty year old policy of requiring soccer players to have an intelligence quotient above 90. Archivists at the Global Records Vaults in the world’s capital in Glasgow, Scotland, discovered that back in the twenty-first century soccer players needed no skills threading words through sentences, in fact, educated soccer players were as rare as an openly gay man playing the game. But medical advances in the late 21st century proving a direct relationship between passing and intelligence prompted FIFA to introduce a policy of rudimentary intelligence tests as a condition of professional employment. Apparently, Cristos Beckham failed to put the following words into a coherent sentence: “Do” “Have” “Any” “You” and “Hairspray. ” A spokesman for the Beckham dynasty, started in the early 21st century by a player named Sir David Beckham of England, a nation no longer in existence, claimed that the test was biased against Cristos as he had never heard of the word “hairspray.” His wife, Queenie, defended her husband by saying, “He never wears product. His hair is all implants.” FIFA is considering his appeal.

WNN GAME DAY – Mars v Pluto in the first round of the Solar Flare Cup. Saturday 7am, Scottish Mean Time


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