4 Feb


Fans of Titan United, a lowly third division team in the Saturn Moon League, have launched a petition to have grass installed in their stadium. This would replace the neurotronix sod currently used by the team. Neurotronix sod is currently used by teams living under the artificial micro-suns installed around colonized moons. “We want a new feel under our feet,” said Titan’s captain, Esterhouse Grope. Neurotronix sod has been controversial since FIFA  introduced it thirty years ago. The unstable artificial gravity systems of the moons can occassionally cause balls to skid off the sleek neurotronix surface whacking players in some nasty places. Esterhous Grope spent months on the injury list last year when a skidding ball rammed his testicles, lodging them in his rectum. After that incident, FIFA manufactured new balls that reduced the skidding speed off the neurotronix surface. Esterhouse’s balls were also replaced.  He remains childless, however.


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