The World Cup As A Therapy Session

8 Jun

2010-06-07-340x_psychoanalyticcouch.jpg

If World Cup nations were on Dr. Freud’s couch:

USA – I need to belong
England – I feel like a loser, again
Germany – I will win, I will win, I will win!
Italy – I want my mama!
France – Nobody likes me, I’m a ball fondler
Holland – I feel flat, again
Brazil – I can’t stop partying
Argentina – My name is Diego, and I’m an alcoholic
Mexico – I hate the neighbor, he’s making my life miserable, and I want him to go away
Paraguay – I like to dress up in uniforms
Uruguay – I feel as if I am invisible
Chile – I feel warm but people think I’m cold
Honduras – People think I’m a cigar
North Korea – I like to recite poetry and kill as many people as possible
South Korea – I’m always afraid
Portugal – I feel superior. I’m not Spanish!
Spain – I feel superior. I’m not Portuguese!
Australia – Drink! Burps! Farts! It’s what I do
New Zealand – I have a girlfriend, she has a wonderful baaa
Japan – It’s simple. I win or die
Serbia – I have anger issues
Denmark – Lager for breakfast, is something wrong?
Slovakia – I don’t feel whole anymore
Algeria – Don’t tell anyone that I am here
Slovenia – I hate being small
Switzerland – Life is always in neutral for me
Greece – My life is falling apart, it’s a tragedy
Cameroon, Ghana, Nigeria, Ivory Coast, South Africa –
We don’t need f****** therapy

Check out my send up guide to the Finals, The Glorious World Cup, available now

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8 Responses to “The World Cup As A Therapy Session”

  1. Dylan June 8, 2010 at 5:38 pm #

    Haha great post. Im forwarding this to all my friends.

    Did you just make these up?

    • Alan Black June 10, 2010 at 10:55 am #

      made up, unless they are true

  2. Drew Tyler June 11, 2010 at 7:45 pm #

    Hi there,

    My name is Drew Tyler. I am interested in writing some articles for your site. I have been playing soccer for most of my life, and now coach my son’s team. I am a die-hard soccer fan and follow most games; EPL, MLS, La Liga, Serie A, Bundesliga and of course the WORLD CUP! To top it all off, I am a high school English teacher. (So you’ll never have to worry about receiving grammatical errors from me!) I have attached some of my work for you to take a look.

    Please let me know if you are interested in having me write for your site. Thank you.

    I hope to hear from you soon.

    Kind regards,

    Drew Tyler
    “The Soccer Dude”
    drewthesoccerdude@gmail.com

    facebook.com/drewthesoccerdude

  3. WorldCupTV.org June 13, 2010 at 2:41 am #

    All the World Cup 2010 Games in South Africa will be streamed live at http://www.WorldCupTV.org 21:36

  4. WorldCupTV.org June 15, 2010 at 3:14 am #

    All the World Cup 2010 Games in South Africa will be streamed live at http://www.WorldCupTV.org 22:08

  5. WorldCupTV.org June 17, 2010 at 2:39 am #

    All the World Cup 2010 Games in South Africa will be streamed live at http://www.WorldCupTV.org 21:33

  6. WorldCupTV.org June 19, 2010 at 3:13 am #

    All the World Cup 2010 Games in South Africa will be streamed live at http://www.WorldCupTV.org 22:07

  7. WorldCupTV.org June 20, 2010 at 11:16 pm #

    All the World Cup 2010 Games in South Africa will be streamed live at http://www.WorldCupTV.org 18:09

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